When couples get married, they do not plan or intend on getting a divorce. Unfortunately, a high percentage of couples discover that there is an irreconcilable conflict of personalities between them — or that alcoholism, drug addiction, adultery, or mental illness has made it necessary to end the marriage. This initial realism can cause a great deal of stress, anger, distrust, and apprehensiveness. All of these emotions can easily interject conflict into the divorce process. The higher the conflict, the longer the process and the more expensive your divorce will be.
In order to preserve your mental and emotional health, physical health, and financial stability after your divorce, try to remove or minimize conflict from the divorce process. Here are some basic steps you can take:
1. Speak to an Attorney
Learn your rights and responsibilities. If you do not understand what your rights, obligations, and what a judge is likely to order in your jurisdiction, you will be apprehensive, may have unrealistic expectations, and your spouse may even exploit your lack of legal knowledge. All of these things will add conflict to the divorce process.
2. Listen to Your Professionals
Your divorce case is unique and there are always two sides to every story. Friends and third parties often share their "horror stories" and advise you based on their experiences. However, those individuals are not likely to disclose all the true facts in their case, and they certainly do not know all the facts in your divorce. Rely on your attorney, counselor, or psychologist for professional guidance.
3. Choose a Neutral Setting for Discussions
If you want to discuss the terms of your divorce settlement with your spouse, do so at a neutral location and refrain from alcohol consumption. Comfortable, familiar settings can lower your guard and lead to arguments and escalating conflict.
4. Do Not Intentionally Provoke Your Spouse
You know what to say to start a fight, and you know what to avoid saying. Choose the latter. Provoking your spouse may feel satisfying in the moment, but it will only extend the process and increase costs for both of you.
5. Understand the Big Picture
If you do not have children together, why add conflict to the process? Through open disclosure and peaceful negotiations, you can swiftly divide the marital estate. If you do have children, you will need to communicate with your spouse for the rest of your children's lives. By maintaining a respectful divorce, you preserve that ability to co-parent effectively and show your children that both of you can act like mature adults.
This article is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Contact TVA Law Office at 651-571-8547 to discuss your specific situation.
